Daddy

(originally typed 7/9/10)

July 9, 1996.  The worst day in my life.  My father passed away.  I still remember it like it was yesterday.

I was over at my Gramma and Paw-Paw's house just like every day during the summer.  I was playing the Super Nintendo my grandparents nextdoor neighbors gave me for my 13th birthday (which was one month to the day before).  It was around 3:00 and all of a sudden my mom walks into the playroom.  I knew something was wrong as she normally didn't get there till 5:15.  She was about to cry.  I asked what was wrong, and that is when she told me that my dad had passed away while on the Dialysis machine at St. Francis hospital.  I didn't cry.  I hugged her as she cried.  I knew this day would come.  He had been really sick for awhile.  He had arthritis Lupus, high blood pressure, smoked, and wouldn't take his medicine.  In November of 1995, both his kidneys had failed him.  While the funeral arrangements were being made I asked if he would have a flag on his casket since he had been in the marines and I remember form March of that year when his uncle passed away and he had a flag for serving in the military.  The day of his funeral I still barely cried.  My cousin did see a few tears.  I was seated next to my Gramps (his dad).  When they folded the flag up and walked over to us, I thought they were going to give it to Gramps, but they handed it to me.  I was in shock.  My aunts and uncle wanted to make sure I got it since I was the one who remembered he should have one.  My Gramma had a case made for it with his name on it.  That flag still stands on my fireplace mantle to this day.  The hardest years on me up till now was my Senior year of high school.  Not having a father there to help with everything and to celebrate with me.  He wasn't able to see me graduate high school.  The other hard year was my wedding.  A dad is very important in a daughter's wedding.  I wish he could have been the one to walk me down the isle, but I have a very caring uncle, his brother, who was there for me.  I think it was just as special for him as it was for me.  And now, I am pregnant with my first child, and he isn't here to see his granddaughter when she is born.  I know he is in heaven looking down over us and making sure we are fine.  I just wish he could be here to hold her and see her.

I love you and miss you Daddy!  You will never be forgotten!

tickers

Tickers Just using this to display my tickers also

RIP my Angel baby Garrett. Although I only carried you for 7 weeks, I will love you forever!

Rest In Peace Daddy 11-28-50 to 7-9-1996

Rest In Peace Gramma 10-16-30 to 7-17-10

Rest In Peace Granny 10-24-1928 to 9-5-1991

Rest In Peace Gramps 12-8-1926 to 1-6-2003

Stress

We finally got the spare bedroom cleaned up. It was a nightmare how BIL left it. All his stuff is now packed in boxes and moved out of the way. I went through 4 of the 5 boxes of stuff I had in there and got it all into one clear tub. The other box was put out of the way as it has all my old Barbies and accesories. The floor is swept and no cig butts left to be seen. I didn't clean under the bunk bed though, but it is staying, so not too worried. Now a couple friends of ours (and their baby) have had their electricity cut off until they can pay the full amount they owe. They are asking if they can come stay with us. We are trying to get this house and the bedroom ready for Annastasia's arrival and money is extremely tight. We just can't have 3 more people living here right now. I feel really bad to the point I am crying, that we can't help them out. It has been such a hot summer and they have no AC now. I wish we could have them stay, but if they can't pay their bills, how could they help us if they stayed here? We would be having to provide food for double the amount of people, when right now we can't even afford to buy a loaf of bread. The do have food stamps and wic, but even if they did get their own food, there is no room to keep enough foood for 5 adults and a baby in the fridge or the pantry. We barely can make our food fit sometimes. And the increase in electricity and water would go over our budget. Plus not knowing how long it would be for. We have to finish cleaning and rearranging two rooms, plus get my aunt and uncle to bring the crib and we have to move a dresser from our room to Anyas. Once the crib and dresser are in there, it won't be much room for anything else and we will need to get everything set up for when she is born, so they won't be able to stay in that room then. I just feel so bad having to say no, but what are we to do?

Gramma

I need somewhere to talk about this. My Gramma fell and broke her hip a little over a month ago. She was in the hospital recovering and then her afib started acting up again. They decided to put a pacemaker in. This was helping. She was also having problems with swallowing/choking again. She wasn't getting the nutients she needed to recover and gain strength. So the decided to put in a feeding tube. She was starting to do a little better, then the feeding tube got clogged. A week later (with almost no food during that time) they finally got a new tube put in. They also started it as a drip instead of being poured in at certain times. We though this would be good and she would start getting better. Well this week she started having breathing troubles. Her oxygyn levels were going down to the 60's which isn't good. They they went from the nose canulas to a mask. This helped a bit and thought she was doing better again. Yesterday she asked for a private conversation with a minister from church. She is ready to stop fighting and being in so much pain trying to breathe. She has requested not to be intubated for breathing, but any other means of recictation are fine. Yesterday she was put on a higher quality mask and with it her oxygyn levels were staying around 100, but due to her wishes with the minister everyone in the family who could came to see her. We are all preparing for the last day. Today, she was moved to a hospice unit. She is now down to the regular oxygyn mask and no other lifesupport as per her living will. She is not getting the feeding tube anymore. Only things she is getting is morphine for the pain and the oxygyn. It was very hard for me today. I told her I love her and said goodbye. I know she doesn't want to be in pain anymore, it is just hard to accept it. I will truely miss her and am sorry she won't get to hold Annastasia when she is born. My Gramma has always been my rock and the person I could always talk to. I have been very close to her my whole life and loosing her is something that is extremly hard for me. I know she will be in good hands in Heaven and will be with her parents and also with my Granny who was her best friend in high school.