Gramma

I need somewhere to talk about this. My Gramma fell and broke her hip a little over a month ago. She was in the hospital recovering and then her afib started acting up again. They decided to put a pacemaker in. This was helping. She was also having problems with swallowing/choking again. She wasn't getting the nutients she needed to recover and gain strength. So the decided to put in a feeding tube. She was starting to do a little better, then the feeding tube got clogged. A week later (with almost no food during that time) they finally got a new tube put in. They also started it as a drip instead of being poured in at certain times. We though this would be good and she would start getting better. Well this week she started having breathing troubles. Her oxygyn levels were going down to the 60's which isn't good. They they went from the nose canulas to a mask. This helped a bit and thought she was doing better again. Yesterday she asked for a private conversation with a minister from church. She is ready to stop fighting and being in so much pain trying to breathe. She has requested not to be intubated for breathing, but any other means of recictation are fine. Yesterday she was put on a higher quality mask and with it her oxygyn levels were staying around 100, but due to her wishes with the minister everyone in the family who could came to see her. We are all preparing for the last day. Today, she was moved to a hospice unit. She is now down to the regular oxygyn mask and no other lifesupport as per her living will. She is not getting the feeding tube anymore. Only things she is getting is morphine for the pain and the oxygyn. It was very hard for me today. I told her I love her and said goodbye. I know she doesn't want to be in pain anymore, it is just hard to accept it. I will truely miss her and am sorry she won't get to hold Annastasia when she is born. My Gramma has always been my rock and the person I could always talk to. I have been very close to her my whole life and loosing her is something that is extremly hard for me. I know she will be in good hands in Heaven and will be with her parents and also with my Granny who was her best friend in high school.